These are but confusing times

This struck me once. And I never came out of it.

Have I ever been blissfully happy? Have I experienced those delightful moments of happiness where you stop thinking about everything else and gloat with your happiness?

Yes I have been. There had been quite a few moments, fortunately. Mostly are moments of what people would say "success". Admission to school, college, university and then the job. And of course the "yes" that every boy wishes to hear since he gains real consciousness.

There have been little moments too.

But life gets tortuous. There have been people who have loved me very much. I have not been so kind. Some had to leave me, but the rest I left behind.

Decisions I take affect others. Yet I seldom flinch. I do think but an outcome with a cold finality is reached.

And the result is the same always- these decisions apparently help me and as a price, I have to leave people behind.

When will this stop?

When and where will I stop?

With regret, probably never. It is the new conquest that always allures me. That is my reason to live and that is the reason I die.

Everyday.